Why everyday life can feel so intense and why support sometimes needs a gentler approach

By Angel Nicole Altman, LPN | Tea of Life Apothecary

There is something I have noticed in my own experience and in the people I support: the same approach can land very differently in different bodies. A dosage that feels manageable to one person may feel overwhelming to another. A busy store can be a quick errand for one person and an experience that leaves someone else needing hours of quiet. A meeting can end on the calendar while the emotional and sensory processing continues long afterward.

I believe neurodivergence deserves a place in that conversation.

This is a personal, whole-person perspective, informed by my observations and by themes explored in Jenara Nerenberg’s Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn’t Designed for You. Research supports parts of this picture, particularly sensory differences, autistic burnout, and the need for individualized care. My broader hypothesis—that some of the people who become overwhelmed by their surroundings may also need a gentler introduction to certain therapies—is an observation worth exploring, rather than a rule science has established for everyone.

My hope is that someone reading this will begin to understand a pattern they have spent years criticizing themselves for.

When your everyday experience is the only one you know

If you have always noticed the refrigerator humming, the fluorescent light flickering, the perfume across the room, and the tension in someone’s voice, you may assume everyone else is taking in the same things.

If you have always needed quiet after socializing, you may assume everyone else needs that recovery time and simply handles it better. Or maybe a crowded store leaves you feeling irritable, foggy, tearful, or unable to make one more decision…..you may have learned to call yourself dramatic or difficult. It may never occur to you to consider another possibility: perhaps the experience itself is different for you.

One of the themes Nerenberg brings forward is how easily sensory differences can go unrecognized, especially in women who have learned to blend in. Her work invites us to consider how expectations, environments, and the pressure to appear capable can obscure what someone is experiencing internally. That question matters to me. How much energy are people spending trying to look comfortable, to fit in, or to “be normal” in situations that cost them far more than anyone realizes?

Neurodivergent does not mean wrong

Neurodivergent is an umbrella term for ways of thinking and processing that differ from prevailing expectations. It is not a diagnosis by itself. Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other differences may fall under that umbrella. Nerenberg also explores high sensitivity and sensory processing experiences; these are not interchangeable diagnoses, and sensitivity alone does not establish that someone is autistic or has ADHD.

There are no two perfectly uniform groups called “neurotypical people” and “neurodivergent people.” A neurotypical person can be highly sensitive. A neurodivergent person may seek intense sensation, miss certain signals, or respond differently depending on the sense involved. Someone might love loud music, yet they find overlapping conversations unbearable. A world organized around common expectations can make less common needs feel like personal failings.

We often expect people to tolerate bright rooms, rapid instructions, crowded schedules, unexpected changes, and constant availability. When those expectations are easy for us, we may underestimate the effort they require from someone else.

Difference does not diminish a person’s worth. Nor do we have to deny that some differences bring real disability or substantial needs for support. 

The same room can demand very different amounts of work

Picture a busy store. Music is playing. A child is crying. Shopping carts rattle. The lights are bright, the aisles are crowded, and someone asks you a question while you are trying to compare labels. (For some people just READING THIS has caused them to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated.) 

For a neurotypical person, much of that remains in the background. For a neurodivergent person, several pieces compete for attention at once. Following the shopping list now happens alongside managing sound, navigating bodies, tolerating smells, and trying to keep a train of thought. The visible task is buying groceries. The invisible work may be much larger. 

Sensory differences can include heightened or reduced responses to light, sound, touch, smell, or taste. Guidance for supporting autistic adults specifically recommends considering these differences and adapting the environment.That does not explain every experience of overwhelm, but it supports taking sensory needs seriously.

This same principle can apply to a therapy session. The treatment is only part of the experience. There is also the waiting room, the smell of cleaning products, the background music, the temperature, the amount of conversation, the touch involved, and whether the person knows what will happen next.

A person may need a quieter room, clearer explanations, fewer simultaneous sensations, or permission to pause. Those adjustments are part of making care accessible.

Why the battery can run down so quickly

I often think about this in terms of a battery.

The battery is a metaphor for available capacity, rather than a literal measurement of nervous system energy, however at times, it also means that nervous system energy has run out as well. It helps explain why two people can do the same activity and have very different amounts left afterward.

One person attends a meeting. Another attends the meeting while monitoring their expression, rehearsing when to speak, filtering the lights and sounds, interpreting unclear instructions, and trying to hide how overwhelmed they feel.

Both stayed for an hour. Their internal workload may have been very different.

Masking—adjusting or concealing parts of yourself to meet social expectations—can make that workload difficult for others to see. Someone may appear friendly, productive, and composed, then collapse into silence once they get home.

Research with autistic adults has described burnout involving persistent exhaustion, reduced functioning, and lower tolerance for sensory input. Participants connected it with cumulative demands and inadequate opportunities for relief or support. This research focuses on autistic burnout; it does not mean every tired neurodivergent person has burnout or that neurotypical people cannot become deeply depleted.

What it does suggest is that “push through” can miss the problem. If the daily cost stays too high, occasional rest may never feel sufficient. Especially when many neurodivergent people are still running scanning programs even while asleep. 

When support itself feels too strong

In my experience, some people who are especially sensitive to their surroundings also describe being sensitive to medications, supplements, scents, or the intensity of a therapy. That pattern makes me curious. It also makes me cautious about assuming that a standard approach will feel standard to everyone.

There is a specific point of support in prescribing guidance: NICE advises clinicians to consider altered medication sensitivity and unusual responses in autistic adults, and to consider low starting doses in certain prescribing situations.

That is narrower than saying all neurodivergent people process medications differently. Sensory sensitivity does not tell us how quickly the liver metabolizes a drug, what dose someone needs, or whether an herb will be safe. Medication responses also depend on the particular substance, other medicines, medical conditions, and individual biology.

My takeaway is that a person’s story deserves attention. “This feels too strong for me” is useful information. “Most medications are too harsh for me” is worthy of a deeper investigation. It should prompt a thoughtful review of the dose, ingredients, timing, interactions, treatment environment, and whether the intervention is appropriate at all. An unpleasant reaction should not automatically be called detox, emotional release, or proof that a treatment is working. Sometimes it simply means that a deeper evaluation is warranted. 

What I mean by a smaller and gentler beginning

The word “microdosing” sometimes comes up when people discuss sensitivity. In this context, I mean exploring whether a smaller, carefully selected starting amount is appropriate—not psychedelic microdosing, and not a claim that a tiny amount of any substance will be effective.

For prescribed medication, that conversation belongs with the prescriber or pharmacist. Some medicines must reach a particular dose to work, and some tablets cannot safely be split or crushed. Do not change or stop a prescribed medicine on the basis of this article.

With herbs and supplements, a lower amount still requires attention to ingredients and interactions. “Natural” does not establish safety, and there is no universal neurodivergent dose.

Regarding different therapies, a gentler beginning might mean a shorter session, less intense stimulation, an explanation before touch, or fewer interventions at once. For a wellness routine, it may mean introducing one appropriate change and observing it before adding another. The goal is to find a tolerable and acceptable approach. More intensity does not automatically mean more benefit.

Essential oils and the importance of choice

I see essential oils as one possible part of a supportive routine. A pleasant scent may help someone mark a transition out of a demanding day, accompany prayer or breathing, or make a quiet space feel familiar.

My hypothesis is that some people who notice sensory input strongly may also notice a chosen scent strongly. In my experience, many neurodivergent people receive a greater therapeutic effect from essential oils. For a sensitive person, scent can be comforting—or it can become one more demand. The individual should control whether it is used, which scent is chosen, how strong it is, and when it stops.

Essential oils are concentrated and are recommended for infused methods. They can also be used topically with appropriate carrier oils. Headache, coughing, skin irritation, or breathing discomfort are reasons to stop. People with asthma, fragrance sensitivity, pregnancy, or other health concerns should seek guidance before use. 

Carrying everyone else can become an invisible job

Another pattern I notice is the person who seems to carry the emotional responsibility for an entire room. They notice the change in someone’s tone, they anticipate conflict, or they try to make everyone comfortable. They often leave a conversation still thinking about the other person’s feelings, needs, and possible disappointments.

Sometimes this feels so automatic that they do not recognize it as work.

I want to be careful here: emotional attunement, people-pleasing, and feeling responsible for others are not defining features of neurodivergence. They can also relate to upbringing, trauma, caregiving roles, personality, or what someone learned was necessary to maintain safety and connection. BUT, when those patterns overlap with sensory sensitivity and a demanding life, the load can become enormous.

Protecting your energy, as I use that phrase, means protecting your attention, time, emotional capacity, and opportunities to recover. It means noticing when caring turns into taking responsibility for something you cannot control. You can care about another person’s distress without being available to process it all evening. You can notice tension without becoming the person who must resolve it. You can pause before saying yes. For me, faith also belongs in this conversation. Prayer can be a place to acknowledge what I am carrying and what is beyond my responsibility. Compassion can include boundaries.

Build recovery into the day you actually have

Awareness becomes useful when it changes something practical.

Try noticing what drains you and what restores you without turning the exercise into another performance standard. Is shopping easier at a quieter time? Does a written agenda reduce the strain of a meeting? Do you need silence in the car before returning home? Does comfortable clothing make it easier to concentrate?

Consider leaving space between demanding activities. Make breaks predictable where you can. Ask for instructions in a format you can use. Choose movement, lighting, sound, and social contact according to what helps you, rather than what a wellness routine is supposed to look like.

If tracking is helpful, keep it simple: what happened, what you noticed, and what helped. A pattern is more useful than a judgment.

And do not assume every symptom belongs to neurodivergence. New or persistent fatigue, pain, palpitations, or treatment reactions deserve assessment by a licensed provider. 

Where our apothecary products may fit

At Tea of Life Apothecary, I want the conversation to begin with the person: what they enjoy, what they tolerate, what they take already, and what kind of support they are seeking. A product can be an optional part of a routine. It cannot replace accessible surroundings, adequate rest, boundaries, or needed medical care.

Modulator Herbal Tea

Modulator Herbal Tea is a caffeine-free option for someone who enjoys an herbal tea ritual. Its current listing includes lemon balm, chamomile, passionflower, lavender, tulsi, nettle, Baikal skullcap, marshmallow root, and licorice root, with perilla described as an optional addition.

There are no clinical trials establishing that this finished blend treats neurodivergence or prevents sensory overload, but, ingredients matter. Many of the herbs in this blend can calm, relax and support the nervous system while providing a synergistic impact on the body to help an overstimulated or overwhelmed person recover faster. 

Monkey Brain

Monkey Brain is another option to discuss for a daytime tea routine. This blend combines green tea and yerba mate with bacopa, ginkgo, ashwagandha, saffron, spearmint, lavender, and a mushroom blend.

It DOES contain caffeine and is designed for daytime use. That detail matters in an article about sensitivity: a caffeinated blend may feel pleasant to one person and too stimulating to another. A focus-oriented product is not automatically calming or suitable for every neurodivergent person.

Monkey Brain is also available as a tincture. 

Inner Peace

Inner Peace tincture is another product we can discuss when someone is considering an herbal addition to an emotional wellness routine. The same individualized approach applies: review the current ingredients and directions alongside medications and supplements you are currently taking. A tincture is not automatically a gentler option because its serving volume is small. .

A label can help without defining your possibilities

Some people find enormous relief in an ADHD or autism diagnosis. Many people are “self diagnosed” because they watched a reel or TikToc video. It can offer language, access to a community that feels like it fits. Others begin with awareness and education while they decide whether assessment would be useful.

I do not believe every difference needs to become a label before we are allowed to respond to it with compassion. I also do not want someone to feel that seeking a diagnosis means accepting that they are defective. A useful diagnosis describes needs and patterns; it does not determine a person’s value or potential.

It’s important that you ask yourself questions. What overwhelms me? What helps me recover? What am I doing to appear comfortable? Which responsibilities am I taking on automatically? What would make support more tolerable and sustainable?

My hope is that this awareness gives people more room to heal from exhaustion, recover from strain, learn, grow, and excel in ways that fit them. Neurodivergence itself does not need to be cured for someone to deserve a fuller life. NOR do you need to run your battery dead to prove that you are trying. Your needs deserve consideration before you reach that point.

Visit Tea of Life Apothecary, 19 West 2nd St., Chillicothe, Ohio, or explore www.teaoflifeapothecary.com. We welcome a conversation about creating a routine that respects your preferences and sensitivities.

This article shares personal observations and educational information. It does not diagnose neurodivergence or provide individualized treatment or dosing advice. Herbal products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease. Review herbs, supplements, essential oils, and medication changes with an appropriately qualified healthcare professional.